Fenugreek
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: The first itsy-bitsy bikini was neither yellow nor polka-dotted, but the judges loved it.


**Fenugreek**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. **

**A/N: This fic feels like sunshine to me, and I hope you feel the same way~ **

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

It was summer. A perfect day.

"Spike it, Shikamaru!"

It seemed as though the whole of Konohagakure was on that beach.

"Shika, what the hell was that!? You can't even toss a fuckin' ball right!"

Parents let their children _**go. **_It wasn't that someone else would watch the kids. It was that _**everybody **_would.

"Volleyball is such a bother."

"Well go bother someone else then!"

Kiba said it, he didn't mean it. Shikamaru knew it, he didn't act on it. Their team was winning anyway. They had Naruto.

The boys on that side of the net groaned as the blond claimed his turn to serve. Naruto spiked it hard, hooting.

"And that's how the Rokudaime kicks ass!"

Sasuke, playing against him (duh), glared. "You don't need to get cocky, deadbeat. Just don't drown me in your tears when we win!"

Lee added youthfully, "For that is the true way of the ninja, to make our enemies cry!"

Neji tossed his head in irritation. The sun was hard on the Hyuuga eyes and his friends had been teasing him about wanting to look through the girls' clothes. "Lee, shut up."

"Be nice, Neji-kun, for we are fighting the same battle!"

"Not for all the iced tea in the world, Lee."

000

A couple of hundred yards down the beach, Anko sunbathed.

"Why isn't this a nude beach? I'd get a much neater tan."

"Presence of children," Iruka grunted. He squirted some more sunblock onto his hand and smoothed it over his skin. Kakashi glanced over at him.

"Iruka-kun, you are such a sissy."

"Tell me about it," Anko groused, "Iruka, be a man. Get sunburnt."

"Real men care about their skin. I wouldn't expect people like the pair of you to understand."

Kakashi and Anko shared a look that plotted mischief.

000

A mile down the road, Hinata hesitated.

"I'm not sure about this."

Ino tugged impatiently at the Hyuuga's long purple tee. Under it lay a teeny-weeny bikini that they'd worked long hours to persuade the reticent girl to wear. It was a deep blue, sequined in silver, and it told the world just how killer Hyuuga Hinata's breasts really were.

"Don't worry. You look great! We _**all **_do."  
Damn straight they did. All of them were hiding stupidly expensive (and sexy) bikinis (of sexiness!) under their regular wee-shorts and tank top/long tee beachwear (which was all sexy, but not as sexy as the bikinis. Mm, sexy.)

Tenten grabbed Hinata's arm reassuringly. "It'll be fine, okay? It's summer! We're supposed to have fun in our favorite form!"

Sakura jiggled her oversized sunglasses. "Hinata, don't think. Just do."

The heiress gave a small sigh. "Okay."

Entering the beach they found Kakashi carrying a shovel and Anko carrying (a tied up, gagged, struggling) Iruka.

"Hey girls," Kakashi smiled easily at them.

Ino stared at the shovel and Iruka slung over Anko's shoulder. "What, are you getting rid of the evidence?"

"We'll just bury him up to his neck," Anko said, "If he's a real ninja, he'll get loose."

Kakashi saluted them with the shovel and carried on past. The girls turned to watch as Iruka writhed with particular strength. Anko slapped his bum and said, "Easy, man-girl, or we'll leave you crabs for company!"

"Does anyone else find our teachers disturbing?" Sakura asked.

000

The volleyball game was not going well for Sasuke's team. Kiba and Naruto were pulverizing them (Shikamaru didn't count, he simply stood there to even out the teams) and Lee was driving Neji up the metaphorical wall when Sabaku no Kankurou came running up to them.

"What're you guys doing?" he panted as they called a time-out.

"Playing volleyball," Naruto told him slowly, under the impression that Kankurou was mildly stupid, "You want in?"

"No, haven't you heard? Shit, even Gaara's there. C'mon, you gotta see this!" he took off again, and curiosity had the rest of the boys following him like a string of beads.

Damn, was it something they had to see. A little ways down the beach the girls sat, enjoying the attentions of several boys. To general astonishment Gaara was talking quietly to Hinata (who seemed very interested in what he had to say). No one dared interrupt the jinchuuriki as he made his conquest, but Tenten, Ino and Sakura were being entertained by more than one boy.

Shino could hardly look away from Tenten. His beach shades were lighter than his day wear; his dark-honey eyes were fastened on the girl. She was wearing a white stringy two piece, her buttery skin glistening slightly with lotion. They couldn't really blame Kankurou or Shikamaru when they went to sit next to her. Another boy from their class called Akira was hanging over her too.

Ino was in a purple and white striped thong. Her endless legs stretched out towards the sea as Chouji knelt to chat her up. None of them had seen him stare with such concentration at something that wasn't edible but then Ino did look _**yummy. **_Neji cleared his throat and went over to keep her company. Two other boys, twins that were also vying for her attention looked disgruntled as she turned appreciatively to him.

Sakura sat with her legs curled under her, laughing as upperclassmen Shojiro and Bajiru said something funny. Naruto and Lee wasted no time in scrambling to her side. She was a knock-out on most days as far as they were concerned. But especially today, with her olive green halter top and that cute little skull embossed on her crotch, with her soft bright hair and her soft bright eyes she was likely to give one of her admirers an embolism.

Sasuke turned right around and walked away. Kiba grabbed his arm.

"Uchiha!"

"I can't believe how dumb those guys are, swarming over them like that!"

"Shit, relax!" Kiba pulled, "It's okay to be attracted to them, they look fucking hot! Hey, Gaara, buddy. Move over! Hinata, you never told me you owned a swimsuit like that! I'd have asked you to the beach _**ages **_ago!"

Gaara stared coldly at the Inuzuka as Hinata flushed pleasurably. "I didn't have it a few days ago," she confessed, "But, Kiba-kun, where's Akamaru?"

"Home, getting sick. Mom's dog-sittin'." Kiba didn't notice the hostility Gaara was emoting, so the Kazekage turned it on Sasuke. And just to show that sand couldn't scare him Sasuke sat as well and smiled at Hinata.

(Ooooh boy, he was tough.)

000

As Kakashi patted down the last of the sand, Anko patted Iruka's head.

"You look so sweet, you know that? Like the head of someone buried up to their neck in sand."

Iruka had been ungagged; he glared at her. "This is a new low for you."  
"Actually, Iruka-kun," Kakashi squatted next to Anko, "I believe this is higher than when we accosted you in the bathhouse and demanded that you produce money from your _**very **_naked person."

"Oh yeah," Iruka said, "You never did tell me where you bought those camouflage masks."

Kakashi nudged Anko and nodded at two men who were making their way over the sands.

"Jiraiya-dono!" Anko said warmly, "How are you?"

Jiraiya stopped to look and grinned. "Better than Iruka, I think."

"I did nothing to deserve this!" the man bellowed, and Kakashi waved a roll of duct tape at him.

"Don't make me use this, Iruka-kun."

"Children, please," Jiraiya said lightly, "We have company." He clapped a hand to his companion's shoulders. "This is my agent/editor, Fuggen Osm."

"What a fucking awesome name."

"Fuggen-san, these are Kakashi, Anko and Iruka."

Fuggen Osm bowed briefly, being too encumbered with posters to shake hands. "Pleased to meet you," he sneezed.

"Fuggen-san has the flu, and I suggested a stroll to see if the sea air can't cure him," Jiraiya explained.

"And on the way," Fuggen Osm said, "I thought it'd be nice to promote Jiraiya-kun's new book. Show them," he commanded. Jiraiya selected a poster from the bundle in his agent's arms and rolled it out for Anko and Kakashi to see.

"What's it say, what's it say?" Iruka asked, unsuccessfully craning his neck.

"Beauty Bikini," Kakashi read out loud, "A swimsuit contest. Grand prize: a signed copy of Icha, Icha Beaches, the latest masterpiece by Jiraiya…"

Anko snorted. "That's the grand prize?"

"…along with one hundred rhou personal prize money."

"Damn."

"Yes!" Iruka yelled triumphantly. He'd just remembered that he was a ninja and a break-free-of-your-sand-grave kinda guy. "Take that, Gaara's ultimate weapon!"

000

Actually, Gaara's ultimate weapon was his charm, but that's a very well-kept secret in that it's not true.

(You heard me, babe.)

"Hinata-chan, you hair is like Suna river at midnight."  
"It's so ironic that there's a river called 'Sand', huh, Hinata?"  
Kiba chuckled at Sasuke, pleased with how well the boy had taken to the art of wooing. Hinata seemed pleasantly flustered by his attention, though somehow she was holding back from looking too interested in him. Her eyes kept swishing from his delicate face to Sakura's spot on the sand. Kiba thought it was because Sakura liked Sasuke but of course it was because Hinata liked Naruto.

Naruto, however, didn't give a flying fart.

"Sakura-chan, will you go out with me?"

She rolled her eyes at him and turned to the upperclassmen. "Bajiru-kun," she purred, "Tell me more about your skiing trip."  
He was delighted to.

Don't think for a minute that Sakura was unaware of Sasuke chatting up Hinata. She was painfully aware of it. But she knew better than to angry; Hinata would never touch a friend's crush. Jealousy, though, settled on her shoulders like an unwanted stole.

Tenten was bored.

Oh, jeez, don't get me wrong. They were sweet, these boys: flattering, pretty, just the sort of stuff a young boy should be when he's trying to get a girl but maybe that was the problem. She wondered as to the point of it all, found an answer, and decided to apply it.

She picked Akira because she didn't know him well and so there wouldn't be too many ruffled feelings if the application went awry.

"Akira-kun, wanna make out with me?"

"_**What**_?" Akira thundered, then backtracked when he realized that if Tenten wanted to kiss him, he didn't give a damn what it was about. "Um, okay."  
They set off up the beach, leaving Shino, Kankurou and Shikamaru slightly bereft.

"Okay," Kankurou said, "I'm hitting the water. Anyone coming with?"  
"Swimming," Shikamaru sighed, "What a bother." And just for that, Shino and Kankurou threw him in the ocean, where he found some bothersome seaweed that got tangled around his foot.

000

"I am so gonna enter," Anko said.

"You'll have some stiff competition," Iruka said pleasantly.

"I think you mean a stiff audience," his colleague grinned.

"Anko, that's disgusting."

"Don't worry, Anko-chan," Kakashi said, "My boner will be voting for you."

Iruka looked as though he wanted to say something scathing on the subject of democratic swimsuit contests and erections, but decided he didn't want to know how it felt to be buried in sand upside down.

"Thanks, Kakashi~ I'll treat you to a meal if I win. Iruka too, if he behaves himself."

"You mean misbehaves himself."

"Ah, of course."

The unfortunate instructor convulsed in apprehension, but his friends carried on being bad.

000

Tenten's hand snaked up Akira's back and grabbed a fistful of his hair. She stood on tip-toes and arched into him beautifully, her lips kissing his.

Normally this sort of thing was prohibited on the beach, especially right next to the concession stand where bored slushie drinkers stood around watching the two young things mack it up. Today however was such a romantically sunny day of fun and frolic the beach manager had decided to let it pass and just be grateful people weren't bunny-humping in the surf.

Akira pulled away the teensiest bit for a breath, and the sight of Tenten's swollen, parted lips waiting for him had his knees melting into soft ice cream. He kissed her again quickly before they gave way all together, and a couple of people watching applauded this wise move. Akira didn't really hear them.

"Hey, Tenten. Looks like you're enjoying summer."

Their lips broke away in a sweet throb of dismay, and Akira turned the face the mountain of a man that had interrupted them.

"Legend-sama!"

"Do kids still call me that?" Jiraiya said ponderously as he posted a poster (!) on the wall near them.

Tenten slid a lovely arm around Akira's waist and bit her lower lip. "Yeah, I guess. Hey is that poster saying what I think it is?"

"You betcha," Jiraiya said cheerfully, "Gonna enter?"  
"Probably, yeah. I'll talk to Hinata and the girls too. They'll wanna know."

"Hinata?" surprise inked the legend's voice, "The Hyuuga girl, really?"

Tenten nodded. "We just bought these," she gestured to her bathing suit, "Good opportunity to show them off, huh?"

"Yes," Jiraiya eyed the girl, "A very good opportunity."

Akira cleared his throat uncomfortably, and Tenten said, "Point your lecherous eyes at an age-appropriate target, jii-san."

"Like you don't wanna get with me."

"Yes, exactly like that."

Jiraiya sighed the sigh of a sexy man whose age is catching up with him, and the teenagers walked away.

000

"That's sick," Sakura said, "You want us to put on a skin show for Jiraiya's perverted book?"

"And a hundred rhou prize money," Tenten reminded them. The boys had dispersed once it became clear the girls wanted time alone to discuss this shit. Hinata looked worried.

"My father would murder me," she quivered, "I can't. I absolutely can't."

"Your father's not here."

"Yes, but everyone else is. Someone's going to tell him."

"Ino," Tenten demanded, "You're with me, right?"  
"Yeah, I'm not sure. These contests are always so sleazy."

"But everyone else is joining up!"

"Like who?" Sakura questioned.

"Uh."

"We'll make you a deal," Sakura said, "This thing's in the afternoon, right? After lunch, we'll take a look at the sign-up sheet and see who's in."  
"And I'll talk to daddy," Hinata added, "He _**may **_give me permission. If the right people are doing it."

Tenten shrugged her submission. If it happened, it happened.

000

"It's not happening."

"Eh, Fuggen-san?"

The editor shoved his eyebrows together and fiddled his thumbs. "This swimsuit contest sounds more ridiculous the more I think about it. Do you realize how sleazy it will look? Awful publicity. I've even invited Kaya-sama to judge—and you know what she's like. If she thinks it's tasteless, she'll withdraw her funds."

Jiraiya stared over the rim of his coconut cup at the reddish haired man. "Kaya-sama's coming?"

"Who's Kaya-sama?" Kakashi asked, simply because he was the kid of uncool guy who hung around juice bars listening in on his teacher's teacher's conversations.

"My publisher," Jiraiya said distantly, "Runs the Aoi Publishing House."

Kakashi nodded and left with his fruit punch, having fulfilled his character role in the scene. Fuggen Osm leaned in towards Jiraiya.

"We need a gimmick. Something cute and romantic. Your books, after all, celebrate love in all its glorious forms. How do we do that?"

"Well," Jiraiya thought, "What would a pretty young girl want more than a good read and shopping money?"

Fuggen Osm said, "Genius."

Jiraiya said, "I am?"  
His editor smiled. "She'd want a pretty young boy."

000

"Hey kid, wanna work for the circus?"

_**That **_got Naruto's attention. "What? Are you serious?"

"Well," Jiraiya conceded, "No."

His attention began to slip.

"But you might get to kiss a gorgeous girl," Fuggen Osm offered.

"The only gorgeous girl I wanna kiss is Sakura-chan."

"We're talking about her, yeah."

Naruto grabbed Jiraiya's hand. "I'm your man."

000

"Hey kid, wanna work for intelligent people?"

_**That **_got Sasuke's attention. "What? Are you serious?"

"Well," Jiraiya said, "Do you think we're intelligent?"

His attention began to slip.

"But you might get to kiss a gorgeous girl," Fuggen Osm nodded.

His attention waned further, and Jiraiya leapt in to salvage the remains. "Naruto's doing it. I bet any girl would pick him over you anyway."

Sasuke's eyes blazed with youthful fires of eternal rivalry (yosh!). "We'll see about that. Count me in."

000

"Kakashi, I'll give you the ultra rare limited edition signed copy of Icha, Icha Tactical Paradise Beach if you do everything I tell you to, no objections raised, for the rest of the day."

"You had me at 'limited-edition'. You wanna use me as a signboard, whore me out?"

"Something like that."

"Go for it, sensei."

000

Hinata's pearly eyes widened in gentle astonishment as she surveyed the revised contest poster.

"Sakura-chan?" she said faintly.

The girl rubbed her chin in solemn sobriety. "I can see we're going to need to give this second thoughts."

"Fuck thinking," Ino said, "Winner gets to kiss a boy and Sasuke's an option? I'm in. Absolutely."

"Me, too," Sakura declared.

Tenten beamed encouragingly at Hinata, who glanced at Naruto's name with heat rising to her face.

"I g-guess I'm j-joining up as well."

So were a lot of other girls.

"Too many," Fuggen Osm wow-weed. "We'll have to hold preliminaries. Pick fifteen. Kaya-sama's not here yet, so you'll be judging with this good looking guy I found wandering the beach."

There was a pause as Deidara nodded to Jiraiya and Jiraiya tried not let his head explode.

"Fuggen-san? That guy's a criminal, and I'm also pretty sure he's gay."

"Perfect. Kaya-sama will love it. Who's the best editor/agent in the world?"

Jiraiya sighed. "You are, Fuggen-san."

Needless to say, Konan got through the prelims just fine. So did Hana Inuzuka (to Kiba's horror. But to Kankurou's delight!), Anko, Kurenai, Hinata, Sakura, Ino, Tenten, Sabaku no Temari (to Kankurou's horror. But to Kiba's delight!), and Hyuuga Hanabi (to everyone's incomprehension. Wasn't she, like, ten? Oh wait—she's fifteen. How fast they grow) and then there were four civilian girls called Kotohana, Nanako, Miu, and Kirie.

As Shizune left in a huff upon being told that Tonton the pig was not an appropriate/sexy accessory, an unexpected late entry made her way into the judges' tent.

"Yo," she said, "Can I get in on this?"

Deidara and Jiraiya boggled. She got in just fine.

000

"Okay, girls," Fuggen Osm announced, "There are three rounds—first is outer beach wear, in which you'll take a walk on the ramp in the clothes you entered the beach in. Second round will see you all in those dowdy one-pieces the beach issues. Your job is show attitude even without style. And third round is the actual swimsuit round.

"You'll be grouped in fives. Every round, five girls get the boot. The judges panel has Jiraiya, the famous author, his publisher Aoi Kaya, and the blond guy whose name slipped my mind. Clear?"

He got nods from all corners.

"Crazy good. Listen up for groups: Nanako-chan, Hana-san, Sakura-chan, Temari-chan and Tenten-chan in group A. Hanabi-chan, Ino-chan, Miu-san, Kirie-san and Anko-san in group B. Kurenai-san, Kotohana-chan, Hinata-chan, Konan-san and," Fuggen Osm stared at the late entry, "You in group C. Wait for the signal to come out. Good luck!"

He left. The girls looked around each other in warm treachery, twittering insincere wishes of luck at each other. Then they all looked uneasily at the late entry, which raised an eyebrow and bared her teeth.

"Rawr," she said, and made no friends among them that day.

000

Sasuke, Naruto and Kakashi stood on the podium. They would have to stand there on a podium in the center of the circular wooden ramp until the winner was declared and come forth to claim her prize. Naruto was sick with worry. Not over whether Sakura would win—in his puny brain there was no other alternative—but how to kiss her when the time came. (It never occurred to the poor sod that she'd choose Sasuke over him.)

Sasuke was preparing himself to have to kiss a girl. In _**public. **_The base gratification of the crowds got baser by the day. It was a shame, but like hell he'd let Naruto get away with thinking he was the pretty one. As to the girl he kissed…he half-wanted it to be Hinata, just to see Gaara twitch in agonized envy, but he'd liked one of the civilian girls that had signed up. She was _**really**_ pretty.

Kakashi simply stood. He thought about the book Jiraiya had promised him, and glowed, and stood.

The judges took their seats to the side. Fuggen Osm announced what the whole shebang was about, and the first round commenced.

000

"Oh, I like her," Kaya said as Sakura walked out, "Let's give her the prize."

"She's good," Deidara admitted to the puce haired woman next to him, "But there are more, un. Look," he nodded to Kirie, "Very nice use of oversized accessories, yeah. Rakish, not garish."

"Yes, they're very pretty," Jiraiya floundered.

"Go Konan, un," Deidara added, "And…whoa, there she is again."

The late entry dazzled the crowd, working what her mamma had no say in giving her. "Who _**is **_that?" Kaya demanded, eyeing her, "She's gorgeous."

"Such a well dresser," approved Deidara.

"Va-va-voom," Jiraiya said.

(The other two stared.)

"Shit but you're old," Deidara snorted, "Who even says that anymore, un?"  
"I'm guessing he does," Kaya said, marking different contestants up or down. "Who're we eliminating?"

000

Kakashi snapped out of his daydreams when he heard Anko's name.

"What?" he asked Naruto.

"The just read out the elimination list for the first round. Anko-sensei's out."

"Pity. Who else?"

"Sabaku no Temari," Sasuke said, "That cute civilian girl I rather liked…"

"Kotohana," Naruto supplied.

"Yes, her. And also Tenten, but she looks okay because Akira's comforting her…"

"With his lips?" Kakashi smirked.

"Kurenai-sensei also lost," Naruto finished.

The Copy Nin looked a little miffed. "Hey, these are good looking girls they're dropping."

"Yes," Sasuke elaborated, "But they were looking for fashionable outer wear in this round and these girls didn't cut it."  
Kakashi failed to look directly at the late entry. "She's still here, huh?"

Naruto shrugged. "She scored highest."

Sasuke nodded in agreement, then the second round was under way.

000

Kiba nudged Shino. "Who're you rooting for? Hinata?"

"Actually, your sister looks…"

"Do _**not **_finish that sentence, Aburame."

"Very attractive."

Kiba stood with Neji instead.

"I can't believe my uncle is letting Hinata-sama and Hanabi-sama participate in this," the Hyuuga boy griped, "How shameful. By the way, Kiba," he said slyly, "Your sister's gorgeous."

"She brims with the nectars of youth," Lee chimed in.

Kiba stood with Sai instead. "You're gay, right?"

The artist nodded. "As the day is long. And next time I'm making them hold a contest for boys. I want to kiss nubbin."

Kiba was running out of people to stand next to.

The contestants came, struck poses, and went. The judges convened to prepare the next elimination list.

000

Kakashi stole a glance of the late entry. "How is she allowed to do this?"

"Will of the Buddha?" Sasuke guessed dryly.

Naruto mouthed, soundless. Kakashi noticed.

"What's gotten into him?"

Sasuke smirked the smirk of a boy who enjoys his best friend's silence, horrified and otherwise. "Sakura got eliminated. So did Hinata, the Miu girl, and Hinata's sister."

"Right," Kakashi said, "And who was the fifth girl?"

"The one called Kirie."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "So going to the finals are…"

"Konan, Ino, Hana-san, that Nanako girl and…" Sasuke shook his head. He couldn't even say her name. "Naruto, you say it."

And because Sakura's elimination meant his dreams for this contest were already in the pooper, Naruto in his utter disbelief uttered the name of the late entry.

"Tsunade-hime, Godaime Hokage."

000

"I can't believe," Genma said in a low voice to Raidou, "That our Hokage is so. Fucking. Hot."  
"Damn straight," Kotetsu murmured, "I mean, _**damn **_straight. I can't believe it. She's gotta be as old as Jiraiya-sama."

Izumo pointed out, "Yeah, but she does that genesis rebirth technique, doesn't she? This is her twenty year old self, like."

"Still."

"Our Hokage's hot."

000

Tsunade frowned a little as Sakura exited the stage. "Pity," she told Konan, "I hoped my protégée would give me more of a competition."

Konan did a shrug that discouraged conversation, and Tsunade took the hint.

"I hope you win," Ino smiled falsely at Nanako, who simpered back.

"That's so sweet! …I hope I win, too."

(Girls, please. Like you even stand a chance.)

Jiraiya looked at Deidara who looked at Kaya who looked at Jiraiya who looked at Tsunade.

"Let's do it," he said, and Fuggen Osm got up the announce the results that were given to him shortly thereafter.

"In third place, winning a signed copy of Icha, Icha Beaches and a Bleach wall scroll…Hana Inuzuka!"

Applause, applause, oh—wait, (wait!) there's two more announcements to make.

"In second place, winning a signed copy of Icha, Icha Beaches and a very generous gift card to The Body Shop…Ino Yamanaka!"

Konan and Nanako tensed imperceptibly. Tsunade shifted from one foot to the other and squinted against the sun to see Fuggen Osm.

"And, winning a signed copy of Icha, Icha Beaches; one hundred rhou prize money; and the chance to heartily, ahem, hotly kiss one of our male volunteers: in first place! We have…Tsunade-hime, Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure!"

000

It wasn't just the bikini. I mean, the bikini played a big part in it. It was a cream thing with bits of real brown shell stitched into it but Tsunade never looked perturbed, never looked like they were uncomfortable. Her industrial sized breasts nestled in a hammock of black with fat straps that were tied tight behind her back to show a long line of cleavage sneering at the world. Tsunade failed to look slutty in it like most girls would have no problem with. She looked as she was: strong. Regal. Unreasonably beautiful.

The woman just had _**years **_of experience over the other contestants. Looking good came as easy as lower back pains to her. She'd had years to learn how to purse her lips the perfect amount, years to learn how smoldering gazes should be used, when to crinkle your nose and toss your hair.

And she still had the smokin' body to put her knowledge to use.

000

"I can't believe we lost to an old woman," Ino said hollowly.

Tenten shrugged. "It wasn't that bad."

"No shit," Sakura rolled her eyes. "You have Akira to make up for it."

"Hot damn that boy knows how to kiss."

Hinata switched her beach bag from one shoulder to the other. "Well," she said, "The boys liked our swimsuits."

Ino perked up. "Yeah, they really did."

"She's right," Sakura said, "Who cares about the judges' opinion? The boys loved it. As far as they're concerned, we're the hot ones."

"Yeah!"

"Yeah…"

"Hot damn."

Satisfied with the judgment, the girls headed home.

000

"So, Kakashi," Anko leered, "How was it? A kiss from the Hokage."

"Superb," the Copy Nin said briskly, "Firm, but tender, with the right amount of tongue. We'll have to try it again sometime."

Iruka raised an eyebrow and raised another to keep it company. "Because Tsunade-sama will really be wanting to do that again?"

"Well, yes," Kakashi was the epitome of shining modesty, "I'm a superb kisser myself."

Iruka expressed his disbelief and they argued back and forth before something struck Kakashi.

"You know who was missing today? That Gai. I didn't hear a single 'eternal rival! Let us have a contest of beauty/youth/talent!' the whole day."

"Yeah," Anko said, "That's 'cause I knocked him unconscious and paid Hayate a bomb to keep him that way. fat bastard wanted to wear a Speedo and I wanted to not have to claw my eyes out."

"Gai-san is not _**fat,**_" Iruka said crossly.

"Good thinking," Kakashi patted her back, "But truth be told I kinda missed the psycho."

"You didn't even notice he wasn't here till just now!" Iruka objected.

"Still, remind me to tell him I did. Maybe he'll wet himself with youthful joy."

000

The boys were too tired to talk as they trudged home. Once Rock Lee suggested singing songs of youthful vigor, but someone threw a shoe at him.

Well, every story's gotta end somewhere.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**Fenugreek because it sounds fresh. I also don't own The Body Shop or Bleach. **


End file.
